Direct bastard Line for one, the ad that's singlehandedly made me detest Stephen fucking Fry and that other cunt. "We're not on price comparison sites, oh no" said in that fucking mimsy pimsy voice as if it's a fucking virtue whereas in fact it's a raw admission that your prices are so shit you're scared to fucking go on the price comparison sites. Fuck off Direct Line, fuck off Stephen fucking Fry, go back to masturbating furiously over pictures of Steve Jobs why don't you.
Vanish Oxy Action. Whereas I might be partial to a nice bit of ox-y action
what is it with that woman with the clumsy kids always spilling food on themselves that she is never even SLIGHTLY surprised when Pink Woman appears in her kitchen OUT OF NOWHERE and starts cleaning her clothes in a fake transparent washing machine? And "intelligent stain seekers"? "Stain-insure (TM) your wash"? Piss off.Fucking Thompson holiday ad. Piss off, seen it too many times, don't want to be told about other people going on holiday, fuck off.
Special fucking K, Vulvic water and any amount of other ads doing the new marketing scumbag craze of "Do the [whatever] Challenge!" which invariably consists of buying and using $product every day for 2 weeks on the (non)-promise of some vague, ill-defined benefit. Does anybody actually fall for that instead of seeing it as a blatant way to just try and get you to buy a load of $product and who gives a smeg if you feel better after 2 weeks, they'll still have your money?
All those fucking eyelash adverts. If you look at the small print at the bottom it always says something like "filmed with lash inserts" - so basically they have a voiceover claiming that their products produce amazing effects without the need for false lashes whilst actually showing you women WITH false lashes. Fuck off you deceitful cunts. Jesus it must suck being a woman and having to worry about something as stupid as what shape your goddamn eyelashes are.
"I want to do a poo at Paul's house". I'll kick you up the arse so hard you'll not be doing a poo anywhere for a month or so if I ever see you you irritating little shit. Why his mother doesn't give him a smart clip round the ear I don't fucking know.
Those fucking supermarket comparison ads where each supermarket claims in turn to have MORE things CHEAPER!!! this week but if you look at the small print each has defined certain rules as to how they specify what "cheaper" means so all of their claims are meaningless so they might as well just FUCK OFF and NOT BOTHER, now there's an idea, eh.
Those stupid Halifax ads where they make an ENORMOUS DEAL over the fact that some crappy account gives you £5 a month. £5 A MONTH! Wow, my financial troubles are OVER! Thanks SO MUCH Halifax! Oh fuck off.
Davina fucking McCall flogging hair colour and anti ageing pap. Fuck off love, I'll put up wiith you in BB but I don't want to hear your stupid, smug voice pimping woirthless shite to idiots in between watching proper telly, thanks.
Fucking fuckers all.
