Bomb her womb with your huge cannon!

[Portland]

While not spam, in a similar line Mel has just gone through a "type the words" bot check and had to enter Atheism Potatos.

Mildly amusing.

[Wibble]

I don't they're doing this right... here's the subject line of one I got yesterday:

Open or die in hell

Well, there's a theological assumption there that you'd be alive in hell. And if that's the case I fail to see how dying there can be anything but good

[Portland]

Ghoulish


Reimbursement due to death of Pop King{Michael Jackson}

Due to millions of people that bought tickets for the show,i advise you contact me immediately to avoid being on a long queue.

Mrs.Mitchelle Holmes,
Head of operation
Michael Jackson concert{London}

[moosedude]

Ghoulish


Reimbursement due to death of Pop King{Michael Jackson}

Due to millions of people that bought tickets for the show,i advise you contact me immediately to avoid being on a long queue.

Mrs.Mitchelle Holmes,
Head of operation
Michael Jackson concert{London}

holy crap! Michael Jackson is dead?
no no, it cannot be
oh ok, maybe it is true
wah wah wah wah wah
I've stop crying but I'm still sad
I've accepted this
I've decided to move on

Well, that pretty much completes my stages of grieving, almost as fast as Uri Geller, what else is on?

[supermario]

It's all "Acai Berry" crap for me at the moment. Whatever that is !

[Portland]

Hello.
 
We got acquainted with you on a site  familiar, and to me were so pleasantly with you to get acquainted. But I would like to study you more.
  
And I have recollected, that you gave me the electronic address, and I have decided to write to you.
 
I do not remember exact your address, but I very much hope that it you. And I shall write to you below about me, that you could recollect me.
 
Some words about me. My real name  - Alina friends name me Ali
 
My age 28. I have been given birth August, 27-th, 1981, my sign on the zodiac - Deva, mine growth - 176 sm, weight - 56 kg. I have blond hair and brown eyes. Friends speak, that I am the attractive, optimistic, kind and sensitive person. I love theatre, a museum, I like to be engaged in aerobics and I visit sports a hall, but work borrows a lot of my time.
 
At leisure I like to read books, to look cinema and to prepare. O! Yes, I prepare very well, and I like to try new dishes.
 
I search for true love , my best friend and the soul mate. I want to meet the reliable and responsible person  who will be the special person  for me. I only need in one special person  and I have no any interest  in others.
I put a photo, what you knew my person, please tell to me that you think of my photo - well? Also I want to ask, that you have sent me some your photos!
 
I am very open also me easily to learn, so please ask me something.
 

Please write only to my personal e-mail: alinchikzaycewiva@yahoo.de

 
Please tell to me more about you, and send to me your picture.
 
I wait your message,
your Alina !

[ElfQrin]

This was at the beginning of a spam e-mail I've just received:

Did you receive the e-mail which I sent to you recently (copied
here-below)?

Please confirm since I have had problems lately with emails
intercepted by spam-filters set too high.

[stealthbanana]

Interesting one, claiming that I am part of a health related email newletter and wanting me to click on a link.

Subject line

You'll Shit Brix!

[StarshipUK]

Subject: Of the warriors dripping their blood down ou

Pains.' Now, there was no 'Pains' amongst us," Fergus continued, "in
women or boys, nor in any one outside the borders of Ulster, nor in
Cuchulain and his father. [1]It was for this reason no one dared shed
the blood of the men of Ulster, for that the 'Pains' fell on the one
that wounded them.[1] There came thrice nine men from the Isles of
Faiche. They pass over our rear fort, the whiles we are in our 'Pains.'
The women scream in the fort. The youths are in the play-field. They
come at the cry. When the boys catch sight of the swarthy men, they all
take to flight save Cuchulain alone. He hurls the hand-stones and his
playing-staff at them. He slays nine of them and they leave fifty wounds
on him and proceed thence on their journey.[3] [1-1] LU., edition of
Strachan and O'Keeffe, page 19, note 23. [3-3] LU., and YBL. 413-481;
see page 50. [W.947.] "A youngster did that deed," Fergus continued, "at
the close of five years after his birth, when he overthrew the sons of
champions and warriors at the very door of their liss and dun. No need
is there of wonder or surprise, [2]if he should do great deeds,[2] if he
should come to the confines of the land, if he should cut off the
four-pronged fork, if he should slay one man or two men or three men or
four men, when there are seventeen full years of him now on the
Cattle-lifting of Cualnge." [4]"In sooth, then, we know that youth,"
spoke out Conall Cernach ('the Victorious'), "and it is all the better
we should know him, for he is a fosterling of our own."[4] [2-2] Eg.
1782. [4-4] LU. and YBL. 484-485. * * * * * [Page 54] VIIa THE SLAYING
OF THE SMITH'S HOUND BY CUCHULAIN, AND THE REASON HE IS CALLED CUCHULAIN
[W.956.] Then it was that Cormac Conlongas son of Conchobar spake:
"Again that little lad performed a second deed in the following year."
"What deed was that?" asked Ailill. [1]"A goodly smith there was in the
land of Ulster, Culann the Smith, by name.[1] He made ready a feast for
Conchobar and set out for Emain to invite him. He made known to him that
only a few should come with him, that he should bring none but a true
guest along, forasmuch as it was not a domain or lands of his own that
he had, but [2]the fruit of his two hands,[2] his sledges and an

_________________
The iron mountains metal rings, Beside the bedrooms light in spring,
And hums the words 'cause they can't sing, The words they haven't learnt yet.
All is free while bodies moan, So shut the door but hear them groan,
While petals fall from what is known, Of love and what goes with it.

[carolen]

Shame about this one, as I don't actually need any Venture Capital at the moment. Anyone else, let me know and I'll pass on his email addy*

Greetings ,

I am Mr. James Dogbey ,a staff of Banque Atlantique Togo ( B.A.T). I have a business proposal of Five Million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($5,200,000.00 USD) with my bank which I know will be of mutual benefit to both of us, once we have a common understanding and mutual cooperation in the execution of the modalities. I need your assistance because there is need for a foreign partner and I want to invest in your country that is why I am contacting you.

Let me know your opinion or willingness for further comprehensive details as regards to the source of the fund.

Your earliest response to this mail will be highly appreciated.Please reply at [xxxxxxxx]@gmail.com

*not

[Alarm]

Kies de juiste nummers en er wacht een verrassing op je in het... Euro Dice Casino

Thanks for that.

[Arnel]

I had a spam email arrive at work today with a classic subject line:

Enter her twat like a bull

Wow.

[gumboot]

I'm afraid I can't remember how it was phrased, because I got it years ago, but it keeps popping back into my head whenever I see dubious marketing campaigns on telly (and that's getting more frequent). Something like

Does your poo sink to the bottom? Does it float on the surface?

Had to click that one, obviously. The rest of the email was basically saying that if your poo does either of those things, or if it does anything else, then you have serious health problems and you need to buy their medicine.

[Yak]

I had a spam email arrive at work today with a classic subject line:

Enter her twat like a bull

Wow.

Jumping, thrusting, and, often, farting then .

Oh, and over in one second.

[moosedude]

Shame about this one, as I don't actually need any Venture Capital at the moment. Anyone else, let me know and I'll pass on his email addy*

Greetings ,

I am Mr. James Dogbey ,a staff of Banque Atlantique Togo ( B.A.T). I have a business proposal of Five Million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($5,200,000.00 USD) with my bank which I know will be of mutual benefit to both of us, once we have a common understanding and mutual cooperation in the execution of the modalities. I need your assistance because there is need for a foreign partner and I want to invest in your country that is why I am contacting you.

Let me know your opinion or willingness for further comprehensive details as regards to the source of the fund.

Your earliest response to this mail will be highly appreciated.Please reply at [xxxxxxxx]@gmail.com

*not

if we can find five more emails like this, we can invite them all to appear on an alternative Dragons Den.