I don't know who I am anymore.
I don't know what I believe in, or what I'm trying to acheive.
I hardly remember where I come from. It's all a blur.
I don't know what I stand for anymore. I try, gh0d knows I try - but I have no moral compass. Everything is contradictory!
I'm an agnostic. I don't know if there is a God or not. I honestly don't. And if there is one, then I don't know what the dickens he's doing.
I hurt, and I'm lost, and I'm confused. I have lost my way. I do not know what to do. I do not know what to believe. I'm just doing my damnedest to do good in my acts and my thoughts and in my words.
And I feel that I am failing.
I an searching for something. I feel the absence of that something like a hollow iron sphere in my physical core. But I don't know what it is.
I'm not looking for "Me Too!" here. I'm begging for help. I'm on my fucking knees, and it's a posture which I am unused to.
I am asking for help. I am begging for help. I am im trouble. And I do not know what to do.
Please. Help.
I'm really, really lost. Someone please help?
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mamemeister
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Mate, I'm really sorry to hear you talk like this, I've never had the pleasure of speaking to you personally but god knows, you're such a talented, big loving guy. One of the best in fact.
Feck, I'm hurting after reading this, I'm kinda going thru a bit of a situation with my own ability at work and look up to guys like you.
Keep with it mate, you can count me and a lot of others as good friends here if you ever wanna talk, just PM me and I'll give you my number.
If I were closer miles wise, I'd take you out for pint right now.
Take care, and remember, if you ever wanna talk, I mean what i said.
**Mame hugs Big Bog Beasty**
Feck, I'm hurting after reading this, I'm kinda going thru a bit of a situation with my own ability at work and look up to guys like you.
Keep with it mate, you can count me and a lot of others as good friends here if you ever wanna talk, just PM me and I'll give you my number.
If I were closer miles wise, I'd take you out for pint right now.
Take care, and remember, if you ever wanna talk, I mean what i said.
**Mame hugs Big Bog Beasty**
<Personal Opinion>
Bog, look up. Okay, open the door, wander outside and then look up. See that? That's the universe, and it is a cold, hard place.
*If* there is a god, then he abandoned us to our own devices long ago. Either that, or he is a cunt of the highest order.
I prefer the atheistic position - we're just random motes of warmth and intelligence within this big, cold, desolate place we call home. What we do matters not a bit in the grand scheme of things - kill every living creature on the rock and the universe will keep on moving, it won't even miss us.
It might sound like like a negative, defeatist even, attitude, but it frees us, it really does. Our actions affect nothing outside our own sphere of influence but (this is the important bit) those actions then reflect back upon us. There are some things we cannot affect - whether that be the course of the stars in Orion's belt or some lunatic letting off a bomb in the pub - and there are some things that we can.
Do things that make the world a better place. Even if it's only improving the world by one thousandth of one millionith of one hundreth of one percent. Sometimes that involves being selfish (the world is a better place with a happy Bog in it), and other times it involves being selfless. Most times it's a combination of both.
</Personal Opinion>
I don't know what you're missing Bog, but I've sat with you staring up at the Universe and have shared things that no-one else knows. My life is richer for your presence and influence, by something greater than 0.0000000000001% and I thank you for that.
:hug:
Cheers
Chris
Bog, look up. Okay, open the door, wander outside and then look up. See that? That's the universe, and it is a cold, hard place.
*If* there is a god, then he abandoned us to our own devices long ago. Either that, or he is a cunt of the highest order.
I prefer the atheistic position - we're just random motes of warmth and intelligence within this big, cold, desolate place we call home. What we do matters not a bit in the grand scheme of things - kill every living creature on the rock and the universe will keep on moving, it won't even miss us.
It might sound like like a negative, defeatist even, attitude, but it frees us, it really does. Our actions affect nothing outside our own sphere of influence but (this is the important bit) those actions then reflect back upon us. There are some things we cannot affect - whether that be the course of the stars in Orion's belt or some lunatic letting off a bomb in the pub - and there are some things that we can.
Do things that make the world a better place. Even if it's only improving the world by one thousandth of one millionith of one hundreth of one percent. Sometimes that involves being selfish (the world is a better place with a happy Bog in it), and other times it involves being selfless. Most times it's a combination of both.
</Personal Opinion>
I don't know what you're missing Bog, but I've sat with you staring up at the Universe and have shared things that no-one else knows. My life is richer for your presence and influence, by something greater than 0.0000000000001% and I thank you for that.
:hug:
Cheers
Chris
the bizzarre ratings of an ignorant, deluded old fool
Bog, i don't know you well but i'm venturing to say that maybe you're spending too much time thinking too much. Sometimes is better to minimize the thinking and just enjoy youself with anything that can distract you: watching a comedy, playing videogames, a walk in town, sitting in a coffeshop or eating some ice cream whatecer is available to you and that can distract you.
A big fluffy hug.
_____________________
A big fluffy hug.
_____________________
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teamonkey
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I second everything Chris says, Bog mate. *hugs*
A moral compass is no use in a moral maze; there is no Good and Bad - there's not even shades of grey in between. You can't say that something's 40% good, 60% bad.
If we exist for some devine purpose, then we should just try and enjoy the ride as best we can by making ourselves happy, and trying to enhance the lives of others when possible. If we just exist because of a cosmic imbalence caused by the fact that it was mathematically possible, the same life guidelines still apply. The universe is huge and we're miniscule on that scale. The logical option, therefore, is that we make the most of it.
A moral compass is no use in a moral maze; there is no Good and Bad - there's not even shades of grey in between. You can't say that something's 40% good, 60% bad.
If we exist for some devine purpose, then we should just try and enjoy the ride as best we can by making ourselves happy, and trying to enhance the lives of others when possible. If we just exist because of a cosmic imbalence caused by the fact that it was mathematically possible, the same life guidelines still apply. The universe is huge and we're miniscule on that scale. The logical option, therefore, is that we make the most of it.
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Muttley
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beardfreak
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For what it's worth, I believe in a creator and on many occasions have had moments of clarity where I feel as though I have connected with spirit. Because I know that all our bound by the same spirit that is life. All have a seed of consciousness that makes the "I" - that curious seed that no man has explained.
I also have suffered from depression and visit the place you have described often.
The only way I project myself forward is to touch nature in a spiritual way, feeling life course through it's veins. Touch the soil, running my fingers through the dark & cold clumps of earth. Running my fingers across the tops of flowers. Holding my cats. Feeling the wind on the hillside. Letting the sun blister my skin. I feel alive and in touch with reality. In touch with my inner self. A quiet place of stillness and warmth, free from pain.
This and only this brings me round. The clutter fades and clarity returns.
I also have suffered from depression and visit the place you have described often.
The only way I project myself forward is to touch nature in a spiritual way, feeling life course through it's veins. Touch the soil, running my fingers through the dark & cold clumps of earth. Running my fingers across the tops of flowers. Holding my cats. Feeling the wind on the hillside. Letting the sun blister my skin. I feel alive and in touch with reality. In touch with my inner self. A quiet place of stillness and warmth, free from pain.
This and only this brings me round. The clutter fades and clarity returns.
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Wibble
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Just some ramblings which may or may not be of use or even coherent.
I can't say I've got a solution for the problem, but breaks and changes of scenery can help a lot - even if it's momentary. It's why I live a 2 minute walk from the beach (best visited on stormy days). It may not solve any theological or moral issues, but it does put things in perspective.
Finding a purpose helps in life, but it shouldn't be a goal in itself. Making a goal of finding a purpose gets maddening, because you'll never be quite certain whether this purpose is what you're looking for.
At a vary basic level people don't relate to good or bad as much as they do to self or not-self. Good and bad only tend to be considered once 'self' is secure. Gets harder to define them as you perceive more trouble.
You're good folk, bog.. don't tell yourself otherwise
-W
I can't say I've got a solution for the problem, but breaks and changes of scenery can help a lot - even if it's momentary. It's why I live a 2 minute walk from the beach (best visited on stormy days). It may not solve any theological or moral issues, but it does put things in perspective.
Finding a purpose helps in life, but it shouldn't be a goal in itself. Making a goal of finding a purpose gets maddening, because you'll never be quite certain whether this purpose is what you're looking for.
At a vary basic level people don't relate to good or bad as much as they do to self or not-self. Good and bad only tend to be considered once 'self' is secure. Gets harder to define them as you perceive more trouble.
You're good folk, bog.. don't tell yourself otherwise
-W
.
i've been through something like this before, and in a way i still am. I looked for solace in the writings of the far east, its by no means a definite solution but it provides inspiration and help about finding "the way"
Unproductive forum member.
Blog
Blog
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darkladywolf
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*hugs Bog tightly*I don't have all the answers hon, wish I did. I lost my own religion years ago, then slowly put together a new one that was uniquely mine. I also slowly built my own sense of ethics and morals.
From our 'talks' I've found a really cool person who has a strong sense of ethics, and morals (by which I mean you seem to have ones similar to my own). And from the responses here, others believe in you too.
We could talk about my view of the universe and maybe some of that would 'call' to you, I'm not sure.
*HUGS*
From our 'talks' I've found a really cool person who has a strong sense of ethics, and morals (by which I mean you seem to have ones similar to my own). And from the responses here, others believe in you too.
We could talk about my view of the universe and maybe some of that would 'call' to you, I'm not sure.
*HUGS*
I've been without a lack of purpose and have gotten very close to the edge before. It then occurred to me that I didn't know why I was here, or what I was supposed to be doing..and so I decided to find out.
What I found out was that my life was defined by desires and things that really didn't matter. And that I found out virtually everyone was in the same boat. The path that I am currently following is based on Eastern Traditions (Buddhism and meditation). I'm almost certain from personal experience that my current existance is not the first that I've experienced (Don't ask me how, because I'm one of the most rational people that I know, being a professional scientist - I only know what I know is no illusion). And that our existance on this planet is no accident, and we are sent here to learn something. And we will keep coming back until we understand it. And the suffering is all part of the learning process, a reminder that we have to do something about it. Things are a little easier now, now that I've realised a choice about my purpose and how to go about fulfilling it. Everything that I understand is based on personal experience, and my path is entirely self motivated..no cults or fundy tent faith are involved.
If you feel that you are stuck in a hole, with no idea of where to go, and nothing seems to work..then it sounds like you need to work out a path for yourself. Do some reading, and perhaps learn to meditate. It helps calm the mind and helps you focus on what is important.
Hope that helps you out mate, you know where to contact me if you need any help. I'm always around to help if you need it..
What I found out was that my life was defined by desires and things that really didn't matter. And that I found out virtually everyone was in the same boat. The path that I am currently following is based on Eastern Traditions (Buddhism and meditation). I'm almost certain from personal experience that my current existance is not the first that I've experienced (Don't ask me how, because I'm one of the most rational people that I know, being a professional scientist - I only know what I know is no illusion). And that our existance on this planet is no accident, and we are sent here to learn something. And we will keep coming back until we understand it. And the suffering is all part of the learning process, a reminder that we have to do something about it. Things are a little easier now, now that I've realised a choice about my purpose and how to go about fulfilling it. Everything that I understand is based on personal experience, and my path is entirely self motivated..no cults or fundy tent faith are involved.
If you feel that you are stuck in a hole, with no idea of where to go, and nothing seems to work..then it sounds like you need to work out a path for yourself. Do some reading, and perhaps learn to meditate. It helps calm the mind and helps you focus on what is important.
Hope that helps you out mate, you know where to contact me if you need any help. I'm always around to help if you need it..
"Observation is the path to understanding. Self-observation is the path to self-understanding."
I'm going to back up those who say to get away from where you are for a bit, physically wandering off somewhere to mentally reboot. When things in your head get tangled it's time to just purge the system and come back to it later, and it's usually pretty amazing how much easier it is coming back from the outside than sitting in the middle.
No advice on the religious front at all, I'm afraid. I'm agnostic too, and happy that way. I just don't "get" religion, at all, or why people need an outside force telling them whatever it is religion is supposed to tell you. I will say that Ahchay's views are pretty close to mine, so listen to him. The primary difference is he prefers the whole atheist thing whereas I say I just don't have enough info to make an informed decision and I'm not sure why I'd want to in the first place.
Good luck with this. Shake your head, get a cold shower and maybe a few dozen hours worth of sleep, play a few games, and mentally reboot. It'll sort itself out somehow.
James
No advice on the religious front at all, I'm afraid. I'm agnostic too, and happy that way. I just don't "get" religion, at all, or why people need an outside force telling them whatever it is religion is supposed to tell you. I will say that Ahchay's views are pretty close to mine, so listen to him. The primary difference is he prefers the whole atheist thing whereas I say I just don't have enough info to make an informed decision and I'm not sure why I'd want to in the first place.
Good luck with this. Shake your head, get a cold shower and maybe a few dozen hours worth of sleep, play a few games, and mentally reboot. It'll sort itself out somehow.
James