Argh! Accidentally hurt my cat!

[oddbob0]

I once annoyed my cat (it was an on-going battle of wills) and so he casually walked upstairs and shat on my laptop keyboard. Stanley his name was and he won that particular battle. Little f**cker got run over the following week. I'm now a firm believer in karma. He was the Nick Cotton of moggies.

Hehe, when I moved in here the wifes cat took an instant dislike to me (I wasn't the one *she*(the cat) wanted) and proceeded to spend 6 months taking a shit under my desk at every given opportunity. If she could possibly get eye contact whilst doing so, even better.

She eventually realised that I wasn't going anywhere and gave up and let me live here - but for a good 6 months, with all her heart and soul - she crapped under my desk nearly every time I left the room long enough.

Loved her to bits tho, and I miss the little meeping noise under my feet every time I tried to move. Her best mate Smudgey hasn't been the same since she passed away.

[lowey]

I was always able to make my cat calm down if he got worked up and always able to make him forgive me if I stood on his tail or whatever. He was a great cat. Got him when I was 4, lost him when I was 20. Never really saw the attraction of having a dog (we had a dog from when I was born until I was 4, then we moved house and the dog went to live at a local pub where he almost certainly grew to resemble a football) although I'm starting to see it more nowadays.

As someone said, dogs live in "the now". Cats seem more calculated.

[Mat]

Heh, the folks' cat, Humphrey, doesn't need anybdy to hurt him.
He's always doing stupid things himself, such as getting comfortable on the kitchen table, rolling over in a semi-stupor and promptly falling off the edge
He's fab.

He's got a wicked sense of humour too.
The artist come loony who's one of my parents' neighbours, got himself a ginger tom a few years back.
Humphrey, being a lot softer than his cool demeanour would have you believe, used to frequently get beat up by it, until he began to outsmart it.
This culminated the other day in me investigating the angry noises of a cat, only to find Humphrey lying on the ground by the fence, relaxed as anything, making the occasional affectionate "Meow", whilst the ginger tom on the other side was getting more and more irate, hissing and screeching like a force of nature.

He's a bastard, albeit a thoroughly loveable bastard

[offyoutoddle]

old but classic:

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!



Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!

**********************************************************************************

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I
am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the
hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try
this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these
vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite
chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended
about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however
it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds
could invent such a liquid.
My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I
was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call
"beer.." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power
of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an
informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every
move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
_

[Cloudane]

Greetings!

Cats are interesting beings... nice in that they're independent, nice in that they're fluffy... but boy are they evil

I tell ya, that cat will know perfectly well that you're sorry, and will milk it for all it's worth

[Spoongod]

Greetings!

Cats are interesting beings... nice in that they're independent, nice in that they're fluffy... but boy are they evil

I tell ya, that cat will know perfectly well that you're sorry, and will milk it for all it's worth

True. In fact the 'cat diary' that offy posted pretty much sums it up.

Welcome, by the way! Ain't seen you around yet, so here's a

[Kamineko]

It's a well known and proven fact that cats are 'too amazing'... But I've never had one.

We had a dog though, but it was hyperactive and it was evil. ._.

[Spoongod]

Hello to you as well. And get a kittens. They are awesome, and have the advantage of turning into cats.

[BadgerBoy]

Thats the thing about pets though - they are so forgiving . I remember that time I stood on my doggies (Bobby, no longer with us ) paw, and he gave such a yelp. But immediately, I got down on the floor and hugged him, and all was fine . Much doggie licking commenced, and I had to go wash me face of slobber afterwards .

My cousin once got up at 4am to rescue the family terrior from two angry farmdogs who were trying to rip her to shreds. He carried her back to the house, both of them having sustained injuries. The silly dog thought for some reason that my cousin was responsible for her distress and has never forgiven him. She just completely ignores him, or treats him with mistrust now.

A shame really, because my cousin really loves that doggy

[Bog]

Toddle: Brilliant!
Long story short (he says *trying* to type as Gouraud makes himself comfy in his lap).

Dogs have owners.

Cats have staff.

[funkstar]

Now, Gouraud weighs a fucktonne and has an unerring homing instinct for standing directly over my bladder at three in the morning.

Do you have a cat named Phong as well, Bog?

[ophion]

How do you make it up to a cat?

It takes tongue.

[Bluey]

Do you have a cat named Phong as well, Bog?

How did you know? He does indeed...

Great diary Toddle!!

Our cat (Brandy) likes to act as alarm clock - she does this by quietly entering my room at 6am, calmly sitting on my chest and breathing her 'lovely' cat breath straight up my nose. If this doesn't work, she proceeds to lick my face and paw my cheek - at first gently with claws retracted, then gently with claws out and finally, if I haven't chucked her off me by then, she wallops me on the nose - at least she has the decency to do this with out clawing off my face in the process... At that point she definitely gets removed and I roll over. She will however continue - by wedging herself between me and the wall and pawing my face again until I grumpilly get up and go and put her food in her bowl. After this she is quite happy to let me go back to sleep... Until she gets bored and it starts all over again...

[SilverBrumby]

Here I am, hunched over in this chair, shivering with the flu.
Over there, is the cat, sprawled out in front of the heater, keeping
me from being able to warm myself up.
I think that about sums up our relationship.

She's a clumsy cat, she darts in front of people and gets stepped on
all the time. Never seems to hold it against anyone for more than a
few minutes though. She's an ex-stray, I'm sure if she felt mis-treated
she'd move out.

[Firefox]

I read that as "Argh! Accidentally burnt my cat!" for a second then.

You know, like if you'd been burning some rubbish in a brazier or something and found afterwards the cat had been having a nap in the bottom.