Mayhem wrote:
The line as it currently stands is "...his mind constantly rewinding back and replaying the events of three days ago like some unwipeable videotape."
I would humbly suggest that the word 'back' is made redundant by 'rewinding' and that it would read more smoothly if you simply wrote: "... his mind constantly replaying the events of three days ago like some looped-up videotape."
Or something.
To me, the 'unwipeable' bit isn't really necessary anyway.
Mayhem wrote:
The line as it currently stands is "...his mind constantly rewinding back and replaying the events of three days ago like some unwipeable videotape."
I would humbly suggest that the word 'back' is made redundant by 'rewinding' and that it would read more smoothly if you simply wrote: "... his mind constantly replaying the events of three days ago like some looped-up videotape."
Or something.
To me, the 'unwipeable' bit isn't really necessary anyway.
Thinking on it, I even came to the realisation it should really be "inerasable" not "unerasable". I'm sure both are legal but the former sounds much better. And that I believe is where I will leave it for now
The "in"? The "erasable"? Not sure what the was for
(to note btw, there is no "e" between the "s" and "a", and Word only knows "inerasable" not "unerasable" either, though both register at dictionary.com)
If you're writing a novel or something, just stick down whatever and do your editing later. If you try to edit as you go, you'll never finish (trust me on this).
That is good advice and something I do follow. This just happened to be the only red line in Word I had so far and was wondering if I was using a correct word or not
Mayhem wrote:The line as it currently stands is "...his mind constantly rewinding back and replaying the events of three days ago like some unwipeable videotape."
"...his mind constantly rewinding back and dwelling on the events of three days ago like some inane thread in an internet forum. He wished that Godwin's law applied in the real world. Right now he'd gladly mutter 'Hitler', if it would mean that the endlessly repeating memories would stop."
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xav wrote:"...his mind constantly rewinding back and dwelling on the events of three days ago like some inane thread in an internet forum. He wished that Godwin's law applied in the real world. Right now he'd gladly mutter 'Hitler', if it would mean that the endlessly repeating memories would stop."
I hereby invoke Godwin's Law and declare this thread null and void
You can't mention Godwin's Law and the 'H' word in the same paragraph and not fall into a great, big, steaming, paradox...
"...his mind constantly rewinding back and replaying the events of three days ago like some unwipeable videotape."
hmmm .... not too keen on the alliteration of rewinding / replaying
How about:
" ... his ( fragile or tattered ) mind inexorably rewinding then playing those fateful events of three days prior, like a possessed VCR player perpetually stuck on loop. " *
*pardon the poetic licence
Can I award myself an ANAL SCORE for the above sentence?
"And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure."
Mayhem wrote:The line as it currently stands is "...his mind constantly rewinding back and replaying the events of three days ago like some unwipeable videotape."
It works.
Remember kids, when Shakespeare didn't have a word that accurately reflected what he wanted to say, he made one up. And many of them are still in use today...
Second.
If the meaning is clear, nothing else maters in terms of if a word technically exists or not. (what a silly concept anyway :p)
As for the flow of the sequence Id just make it more simple;
"...his mind continuously replaying the events of three days ago like some unwipeable videotape."